Pan De Arroz

July 17, 2024

Pan De Arroz

I’m beginning to see the appeal of living here. This morning, I got up before everyone else to make pancakes for Sabbath. I unlocked the gate and stepped out into our mostly outdoor living area (the outer walls are half walls). It was a beautiful crisp morning. This is my favorite part of the day. As I stood in the quiet, looking at the mountains in the background and the cows eating leaves off the trees, I thought about the first few weeks and how much I wished for the comforts of the states. It would get so bad that I literally scrolled through the Starbucks app practically drooling over cold brew and iced macchiatos. It hit me this morning - I don’t need a drive through coffee shop or a fancy house. The propane stove and half wall surrounding our kitchen and dining area is more than enough. I asked Sean, the Student Missionary that has been here for several months, what he was going to miss the most when he goes back to the US (other than the kids of course). He told me he was going to miss the simplicity of this lifestyle. Honestly, it seemed like a pretty boring answer. Kind of ironic, no? I only recently realized that I didn’t fully understand what he meant by what he said. In the US, we talk about how we want to live a simple life and that our lives are filled with too much unnecessary fluff, but I’m not sure we are ever able to completely understand what that means while still in the US. I’m not going to claim that I 100% understand it just yet, but I’m starting to see it. This week on my day off, I went into town on my own. I was walking by the market around sundown on my way to the taxi station when I saw something I hadn’t seen before. It wasn’t anything crazy or profound. It was a woman and a little boy selling bread on the sidewalk. This is very normal, something you see all over town. It was the way people flocked to their little stand that struck me. Charlie, one of Melissa’s teenagers, had told me the week before that a certain kind of bread is sold there only once a day and it goes very fast. This must be the stand he was talking about. Of course, I had to grab one of their breads: pan de arroz (it’s gluten free by the way – take note my gf friends). Something about the fact that everyone knew that this lady sells this bread on this specific corner at this specific time of day, and they all knew they had to be quick because it goes so fast hit me in a different way than anything else I had ever seen in town. I actually saw the community and I think I’m starting to see the culture here. I’m not sure how to explain this to you, I suppose you have to experience it. It’s a simple lifestyle I’m beginning to understand.

Back at the Las Lilas, we are currently taking care of a few kids from a different house. One of those kids is a two-year-old. He isn’t a typical two-year-old, he has extreme challenges with attachment. The little girl who he is attached to asked me to take him away so she could have a break, and so I did, and he began to cry. I was standing in Minha and I’s bedroom holding the baby while he cried, and I had tears in my eyes. This isn’t the first time I had cried while soothing a crying baby, but this time was different. Last time, it was my first week at Familia Feliz and I was holding one of the twins while toddlers and other kids were running around, and it was complete chaos. I was overwhelmed and homesick and began to cry. This time I wasn’t overwhelmed and homesick. I love it here, and children crying has never really bothered me. It’s the way our two-year-old cries. He doesn’t cry a sad cry – he cries a panicked cry. Every time. There has got to be a reason he struggles so hard with attachment. I don’t know his story, but for some reason in that particular moment I wanted to take his pain away so badly that I was tearing up. I know I can’t do that, but at least I can hold him while he cries.

The other two kids from the other house are sisters. Those two have started calling me mom. They tell you that might happen before you even get to Familia Feliz, but I didn’t expect it to happen one week into knowing these girls. Every time they say mom, I think about how I’ll have to leave them in five months. Then they’ll get attached to another volunteer. Then that volunteer will have to leave. Max, the new director, explained to me that calling me “Mom” instead of “Teacher” is just a different title they use as their way of getting closer to me. That’s all these kids want. They want to be close to someone. They long for a consistent, dependable, loving parental figure. So they call some of the volunteers “Mom.” Even though they know that volunteer is going to leave.

The sin in this world is a reality. The baby we have right now has attachment issues and acts a little differently than other two-year-olds because of what he’s been through. The girls are going to call volunteers “Mom” in desperation. That is the reality. However. The love of Jesus is also a reality. He brought each of these kids to Familia Feliz. He gave Melissa the strength and ability to found Familia Feliz. Every volunteer at Familia Feliz has been brought by Him. This organization is run completely from donations, and despite not being sure where the money comes from, we still have enough food for everyone every week. We may seem to be understaffed most of the time, but someone always shows up when they are needed the most. It always works out. You cannot tell me God doesn’t hold Familia Feliz in His hands. The same God that keeps Familia Feliz running is the same God that created you and loves you. I know that to some of you, it might seem like it’s said too much, but it’s true that He knows exactly what you need even before you know what you need. He brings people into your life when you need them the most. No matter how desperate you become, it will always work out in the end. Even in the pits of your desperation, the only thing you need to get you through is the love of Jesus. Seems pretty simple, right?

I hope when I am back in the US and I drive myself to Starbucks that I remember the woman and little boy selling bread on the sidewalk.

Dear Lord

Our lives are filled with distractions. The many social media websites there are to choose from push us to be concerned with how we look and how others see us. The stereo pulls our attention away from you. We worry about so many unnecessary details every day. Lord, help us look up from the distractions in our lives and look to you instead. You know what we need. Help us turn the music on the stereo down enough to hear your knock on our front door so that we can let you in. Be with whoever it is that is reading this right now so that they can trust you and know that the only thing they need is you.

Amen.